My Family and My Life After Going Clear
Featured Contributor and ScientologyParent.com author Tad Reeves interviews a mother of two about how achieving the State of Clear has changed her personal life and her parenting skills.
Felicia is a Scientologist and mother of two from San Francisco. She recently attained the State of Clear and wanted to share some of the unexpected ways this changed her life.
You recently completed some major Scientology counseling services. How would you say this has affected you as a parent?
Throughout the course of my auditing I was aware that I was gaining more and more control of my mind and my life. Problems, conflicts with others, unchanging patterns, negative thoughts, fears and anxieties that I had dealt with for years started to melt away as I moved through the program of processes offered in Scientology.
When I made it to the State of Clear a huge weight was lifted forever and it was the most relief I have ever experienced. I felt completely at ease with myself and confident with who I am.
I found that prior artistic skills and imaginative ability that had defined me as a child and young adult, but that I had completely lost sight of, came back to me. Worries from my past had vanished. Anything bad that had ever happened to me had no further effect on me in the present time. Even saying this now seems unbelievable, but it’s absolutely true.
I’m pretty sure every human being here on Earth has experienced what it like to base life choices on past experiences and failures, in an attempt to avoid possibly dangerous or emotionally painful situations. So imagine if all those negative thoughts and past experiences were moved aside, and entirely under your own control. All you would have is YOU, here in the now, and your future to create. Pretty amazing.
These major changes have absolutely changed me as a parent for the better. My outlook on my kids and our lives together has shifted to a 100% positive, forward-facing approach. Life still (of course) has its obstacles and barriers to overcome – cost of living, difficulties at school and work, busy schedules – but I don’t get beaten down by these problems anymore and I maintain a steady drive towards greater and greater survival for my family.
I can’t emphasize enough how important this is to me as a parent. I believe most parents are working very hard to raise ethical and happy children and to set their kids up to make good choices to set them up to survive well throughout the their adult lives. There are many parents who run into setbacks in raising kids or feel like they are failing. Before my auditing I too had those dark moments as a parent. But due to the changes I’ve made in myself as a result of my Scientology auditing, I am confident that I am doing in the present what is needed to create a beautiful future and happy memories for my children. I am not so worried about myself and my own negative thoughts, feelings and emotions that I cannot place the necessary attention on my kids to help them. The personal drama is gone and I am devoting so much more time and energy to my family.
What changes have you noted with your interaction with your kids, or in dealing with day-to-day matters in since starting your Scientology auditing program?
Oh wow, so many things have changed with how I interact with my kids on a daily basis.
I am way less fearful and nervous – an irrational trait I had before going Clear that I knew was driving my kids batty, but that I just couldn’t seem to knock. I’m giving my kids more space and positive reinforcement now and I think this makes them more confident and responsible. I had mistakenly operated in the past as a sort of “smother” mother, and this parenting technique was not resulting in kids who could think for themselves.
Now I am very free in my approach, though I of course maintain a rational level of control with them. My daughter has really picked up on this recently and is demanding that she do all kinds of things for herself: get dressed, buckle her own seat belt and make her own plate of food. Even though she is only 3 1/2 I see she is taking ownership for her life and this is an excellent sign for the future.
And my son went from a poor report card last year to a nearly 180 degree improvement in his studies after my auditing. I was able to spot exactly what study tools we needed to apply to his situation and through some simple communication and work at home, he became self-determined, interested in his studies and he totally turned his performance around. He was so proud because he did it himself, and because he wanted to. He also took off like a rocket on his reading ability this year. Since going Clear I’ve been very interested in my kids reading, exploring and gaining knowledge in all that they want to know.
Another big change has been my return to a creative and artistic approach in life since going Clear. I see every moment as a blank canvas to make something memorable and aesthetic. As a mom, this means I’m putting lots of attention into planning fun family events, art projects to do with the kids at home or even taking a simple, lazy Sunday and turning it into a really fun time with lots of laughs and good memories. I’m attempting to make every day one of joy and enhancement for my little ones.
So there has been a definite improvement in quality of life, and a recognition from my kids that I am causing this positive change. Overall, this has strengthened our relationship and their trust in me.
What do my kids think of all of this? I can tell they’ve noticed the change in me. They are truly very happy little kids. In the past we have had our share of not so light and fluffy moments as a family. Nothing major, but just the tears and struggles that all of us tend to deal with time to time. I’m proud that I now am providing a really stable and positive base for my kids. And I see that my ideas about building the future are rubbing off on them. They both have a really positive outlook and they are being more creative recently too. My daughter makes up the most hilarious stories and my son can build almost anything out of Legos from his own imagination – not an instruction manual. I can’t say these traits weren’t present in my kids prior to me going Clear, but I do believe that positivity ignites more positivity – and that is definitely what I am experiencing here in our household.
Have you seen any changes with your life personally or professionally since going Clear?
Absolutely! At my job I became extremely competent. I can confront and handle any task that is put before me. I hold a very important job managing personnel, so being Clear has been a huge asset. All kinds of issues can arise in the field of personnel that it takes good training and rational thinking to be able to handle. In the past, some kind of big problem at work could send me into a mental spin.
In dealing with the personnel of the organization I was so afraid of making a huge error, and these problems would “sit” with me. I could leave work feeling completely overwhelmed at the end of the day and not too happy with “people.” But now I’m able to confront problems, remain calm and come up with solutions that I am confident in and which are the most viable for those involved and for the organization as a whole. I also am able to remain chipper and get along great with the people I work with, where maybe in the past I would get into a tiff here and there. Work makes up such a huge portion of life. It is really important to love and feel stable at your job – and I can say that I now have achieved both of these things.
But the biggest change I’ve noticed personally since going Clear I’ve touched on in the prior questions. And that is my return to being “Felicia the Artist,” this girl who got lost around 1999.
As a kid and young adult I was very involved in the arts. I excelled in dance, painting, sketching, oil pastels, sculpting, writing and drama. Art was my outlet and my artwork was an important extension of myself. I was always working on some project and when I completed a piece of art, of any form, I felt a satisfaction unparalleled by anything else I have experienced in life to date. Unfortunately in High School I started drinking and using drugs, and though I didn’t get into any major trouble, I started to become rather dull and my ambitions in life seemed to fade away. It was at this time that I fell away from my artwork. And since that point my life seemed quite vacant.
When I found Scientology and I began my auditing, I started to wake up and revive my creative side. When I achieved the State of Clear the artist within me came back to life fully, and even more so than when I was young. I now see the detailed beauty of everything around me and I feel a resurgence in my ability to catch and relay that beauty I see to others via photography and other artistic media. I recently opened a small online gallery of my photography. Soon I will get back into dance, painting and oil pastels. I’m excited to see where it goes, not really for personal profit, but because I feel so true to myself when I am creating and sharing it with others. It is a true joy.
And really that sums it up. Even when I’m not having the greatest of days, I’m actually still really happy. How could I not be with all that I’ve achieved through this auditing? These are permanent gains I’ve made. I’m never going back to those negative moments and struggles of the past. The mistakes I made are gone. The pain inflicted by others on me has vanished. All I have is the bright future ahead of me. I really urge others to find out about auditing. Especially parents who have goals to create a wonderful future for their kids. It works.