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Masturbating will Knock Your Hand Up, Claims Televangelist

Box of Tissues

A Muslim televangelist made an unusual statement to one of his followers regarding the consequences of self-pleasure.

Mücahid Cihad Han, an Istanbul-based televangelist, has made a fool of himself in front of his followers, and many members of the Muslim community. On May 24, he decided to take phone calls from the curious and confused Muslims via the 2000 channel. One male caller was conflicted with the legality of masturbation through the Quran and the hadiths. The man confessed that he had been masturbating in spite of being married, “even during the Umrah”, a pilgrimage that can be made anytime.

Han responded to the man to say that act was forbidden, and one of the hadiths can be read to say that anyone who has “sexual intercourse” with one or both of their hands, their hands will become “pregnant in the afterlife”. The man asked for advice on what to do, and Han didn’t know since the caller was already married. He did offer the sound advice of attempting to “resist Satan’s temptations”, which I am sure the poor guy was already trying to do.

The question of masturbation’s religious morality has been a pretty big controversy in Islam for some time now. There isn’t a guarantee that the hadiths that have been discovered are completely authentic. The Quran doesn’t offer much to go off of. There are very few these days that believe the act is forbidden, and some simply refer to it as ‘makruh’, which means it’s not particularly liked. In the mainstream, there are conditions that make it okay to do.

Han cannot escape the ridicule. He is being tweeted from a ton of people, who have said things like ‘what if we wear hand gloves?’ and ‘So you think being pregnant is a God-given punishment?’ He has been mocked pretty harshly by the Turkish media as well.

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